Pavlov's Season

The calendar tells us when fall begins, but it is wrong. Fall is here, walking the city streets with slightly dusty jackets and newly bought scarves. It closes it's cafe windows and doors to keep the suddenly cooler breeze outside and the steam from coffees and lattes in. 

From the years of schooling that we all face, we are conditioned to associate the drop in temperature with an increase in productivity. We put on our sweaters and suddenly want to work harder than we did during the lazy days of summer. That is not to say we didn't work. New York is a strict headmaster who doesn't allow laziness within his borders. But now, fall wraps around us like our sweaters and we ache for full pens and blank papers, bright computer screens, and the need to prove ourselves. Whether in school or not, we can't stop attributing fall to getting focused and moving forward. 

Autumn found me back at school, a bag full of heavy text books on my back and new blisters on my feet. I have to readjust to the way my reading glasses slowly slip off my nose, to the way my eyes tire if I don't use them, to the way my right hand cramps slightly as I right responses for exams. People argue that time moves in a linear fashion, but I don't believe them. It is fall, I am a senior in NYC. It is fall, I am a high school student in central Jersey. It is fall, I am an elementary student a few towns east of where I will go to high school. It is fall, and suddenly all these previous years are back again and repeating. I'm still so excited about buying new pens, still walking the street so proudly with my bag full of heavy text books I have yet to read. Time moves cyclically, I am sure of it. It's a spring in your mattress, stretching and shrinking, often touching on past cycles. 

A Thought: Everyone follows their own personal "right." If they didn't believe it was "right," they probably wouldn't do it. When someone bothers or annoys you, it's their "right" clashing with your personal "right," not necessarily them being assholes or doing "wrong." Realizing this made me so much nicer to people.

A Find: I found my fall drink. It is basil lemonade and it was fantastic. I wouldn't have thought that I'd enjoy drinking basil, but I do. It's really great and really good for you!

Pigments and Personal Histories

Maybe it's because I'm in New York City. Maybe it's because I'm in a very liberal college. Maybe it's because I'm studying psychology in a liberal school and it, therefore, has a very liberal bias. Maybe it's me. 

We're all people. We have skin, it has pigment. We have history, it comes from different countries of origin. We have varying paychecks. We have internal or external sex organs. We all inhale and exhale. We all blink. We sleep and we chew our food. 

I don't watch Miss America, I admit it. You don't have to either. You can even dislike it. Dislike it because it's sexist. Dislike it because it stresses superficial aesthetics and standardized body sizes and shapes. Or you might like it. Do whatcha please.

However, though I don't watch the pageant and did not watch this last pageant, I have definitely heard more than enough about it. Miss New York, a woman of Indian descent, won. I did not know this until I heard about the repercussions from this decision and heard the racist, ignorant, completely unfounded remarks that people have been making about her. People have been calling her an arab, al-qaeda member, saying that it's a complete disgrace of a decision to be made so close to the anniversary of 9/11 (since we were obviously attacked by India, which is the same as al-Qaeda in case you didn't know - please note the sarcasm). 

I'm completely flabbergasted. Sure, I'm an eternal optimist, but the awful things that people have said sound so un-American (like it or not, we're a melting pot and always have been), so un-2013 (aren't we getting somewhere?), so un-human. This is by far the hardest post I've had to write so far for all of the constraint I'm using to not write exactly what I'm thinking.  

A Thought: Think about what you write, post, and/or publish before you do. Please. It becomes public, permanent, and is subjected to the eyes of people who may not know or understand you. You may also enrage a lot of people for a thought that could easily just stay in your own head.

A Find: A little off topic and a little nerdy, but I just received my DSM-5 in the mail and am so excited. Whether you're pro diagnoses or against them, the DSM-5 has some really awesome revisions (a sign of a slightly more progressive time) and is a fascinating look at what the human brain/mind is capable of (whether in positive ways or potentially negative ways). 

Warming up to Fall

This past summer break from school was not necessarily intended to be a break from the blog, but, so it goes. A new season (nearly), a new semester, finally a senior. So it goes.

Bushwick cools in autumn light while the days begin to shorten, making the apartment much more enticing at night than during the summer. While there is light, we fight the indoors, take to the streets and pretend this concrete means nature.Grass sprouts through sidewalk cracks and we transplants remember our hometowns. New York's the city of passers-by, of missed or random meetings, impermanence, and a hustle that just might be superhuman. But we keep climbing the stairs, keep riding the subways and walking these streets. 

Last night, a bunch of friends and I went to a friend's show of folksy, hymn-like music. While he played, I sat beside his girlfriend and watched her listen to the music she must know so well. Hardly looking at him, she sat and smiled, so happy and proud of him. There's something to watching someone while their significant other is engaged in their passion. I haven't quite put my finger on it yet.

I have also found myself lately becoming more engaged in local politics than ever before. The mayoral race is in full swing, complete with frantic lashings out, extreme promises, and a chaos that reminds me of Lewis Carroll's political race parody where the animals race around, with no start and no end, until nobody wins, much to Alice's confusion. Recently, a debate ensued where all candidates lashed out against a sole candidate, primarily for his secure place as the democratic nominee. For the people who are supposed to run things, you'd hope for better performance. We all, I'm assuming, hope for better performance from these politicians, but all we find are lies and immature squabble. As I enter into politics, I'm constantly reminded of why I've avoided the topic for so long. Ah well. The biggest question is, though, do we lower our standards to accept these politicians (as we've been doing for so long), or do we finally put our feet down?

A Thought: I'll probably say more about this later, but anywho, as everyone becomes engrossed in the Syria debate, there's the handful who support US involvement and possible declaration of war, while another handful scream against US involvement, while yet another handful outright oppose war on principle. So often in these scenarios, when involvement is decided upon, countries jump right to war, as if war is the only answer and tool one country has against another. The biggest guns and highest body count proclaim "right." But just as no man is an island, neither is any country (in our political sphere anyways) isolated. I would imagine that blockades, loss of support, freezing of imports/exports, etc… would send just as clear of a message without having to jump to military involvement. Can't we get a little more creative than guns?

A Find: Recently I've been getting really into the theories, basics, and elements of graphic design and have found a number of books by Ellen Lupton that are really amazing. Two in particular are extremely helpful for the contemporary beginner: Graphic Design, The New Basics and Thinking with Type. Both are really good finds and have been very positively reviewed in the design sphere.  

A Moment to Breathe

It takes a minute to realize that the semester is, in fact, over. We shift through phases in our lives with ease or reluctance, transitioning peacefully or kicking and screaming. Nonetheless, we keep moving as we must. I've completed my first year of school in a new city, in The City, lived in my first apartment for a little over seven months now, gone from fall to winter to spring, and now, nearly to summer here, transitioning from a fresh face to a friend, a regular, an employee, and a student, all of which suggest familiarity and an earned place. This city is becoming my home.

Speaking of being an employee, I've just this week found a new job in a Williamsburg restaurant. The place proves busy, friendly, and accommodating, and I'm more than happy to be there. I actually got the job through my manager at my previous retail job. She recommended me to a friend of her's who owns the restaurant and he trusted her word, gave me a shot, and employed me. This is the first time I've ever left a job so peacefully that my previous employer helps me to find my next job. 

Indeed, my boyfriend and I are continually blessed by the people we meet here, the friendly faces who have welcomed us into their city with open arms and kind smiles. I think it's a Brooklyn thing.

A Thought: There's definite karma in the service industry, I've come to learn. Especially in places one frequents often. The better you treat them, the better they treat you, and so on and so forth. By just being friendly and talkative, people remember you and, in subtle ways, thank you for the kindness. At least that's what I've experienced through the occasional free coffee or drink.

A Find: Blue Bottle coffee in Williamsburg on Berry St. They have absolutely amazing coffee and espresso, expert latte art, friendly staff, and a roastery in the back that's fun to look at. If you want coffee and are in the area, definitely stop by.

Bushwick Beach

We sit like vagabonds on the stage outside of the neighboring café. Musicians, artists, students, and shamans. We convene like we have nothing to do, and we do, in fact, do nothing. We are Bushwick in the spring, drinking in sun and coffee, working on our tans like that’s our only goal for the day. We mislead, however. As lazy as we may look in this moment, we, in fact, are not.  Each of us have personal definitions of what it means to be a part of the “New York hustle.” We two-step for employers, gigs, galleries, shimmying for recognition and bustling for rent. We get it done, do it right, and write our memoirs. We are Bushwick, out on “Bushwick Beach” taking our breaks.

This hustle, however, has temporarily left me once again unemployed. After leaving my retail job in hopes of a serving job, I have yet to actually land that serving job. In one light, I now have more time to devote to my final papers. In another, I have less cash than I had hoped. Alas, this is part of the cycle. As my mother always told me, you can’t grab the next trapeze bar without first letting go of the last one. That brief moment, in between bars, is not only the scariest moment by far, but also the moment in which you briefly fly. That’s what I have to keep in mind, though it’s not as easy as you might hope. Anxiety keeps nagging in the back of my mind while I’m continually pushed forward into the void.

I did have an interview that may prove to be promising, however, as bizarre as it was. Not that the interview itself was bizarre, but rather the entire process of interviewing is rather interesting. You stand before your potential employer, your vocational history on paper with minor description, trying to personify everything the position you seek desires in your personality and being, in a ten to fifteen minute snippet, if that. Interviews are really terrible ways to see how someone will be as an employee, especially since more employers make up their minds within a minute of getting their first impression of you. Knowing all this makes the process all the more intimidating. Maybe ignorance is bliss.

A Thought: Despite previous comments, I think I’ve come up with an interviewing method. It requires a balance of confidence and humility: confidence in that you are the perfect employee and everything your employer could want, humility to recognize that you are still the employee and that the other is the employer. Be personable, yet direct. Make them like and remember you, but don’t waste their time. Be honest, yet in a positive light.

A Find: Black Brick café in south Williamsburg. One of the finer espresso bars in Brooklyn, I’d say. Really knows their stuff and makes fantastic lattes and cortados. 

Vitamin D Cleanse

The weather begins to change and so do I. The end of March brings the beginning of spring and Bushwick smiles. People talk of roof-top parties, roof-top yoga, and bike adventures. Today is one of those days where the clouds look too low to be real, wisps of cotton to be curled up in the palm and Bushwickians polish up their walking shoes.

This budding warmth impregnates us with inspiration while the full moon gives us eery dreams to decipher. Teddy Roosevelt, hungry wolves and dangerous ninjas whisper to friends of mine while they sleep and wake, begging for explanation. We laugh it off over coffee, still confused and curious, but protected by walls of brick, rays of sun, and a spring-like warmth that crawls along your skin like caterpillars, not having quite arrived yet, but carrying promises of something beautiful. 

There's a box at home that waits for my winter jackets, scarves and gloves, alluding to empty hangers who beckon for spring dresses. This winter has taken its taxes from my walking shoes and plans must be made for newcomers. Those poor old boots, mirrors of bad temperaments and illogical darknesses, need replacing. 

While time passes, I learn more and more of the subtleties of the mind and its development. My psych courses continue to enlighten and enthrall while bizarre tidbits of information stick in my mind: as fetuses, our ears initial develop on our necks (fact); neanderthals are not our descendants, but rather another branch of humanoids that developed and died out alongside our ancestor (fact). 

For a period of time, I have stumbled away from this writing endeavor, more out of preoccupation than deliberate avoidance, but nonetheless the pages had remained empty. But now, I feel words being crafted out of much missed doses of vitamin D and return to the keyboard. All is well.

A Thought: As the weather grows warmer, I find myself less in need of hearty, fatty comfort food. Now is the time to reinvest in health, to cut back on what is unnecessary and to remember how to nourish oneself, not only with food, but with beliefs and lifestyles as well. Grab the shears, trim the fat and excess, and live more cleanly. 

A Find: Down on Wilson St there's a restaurant called Dear Bushwick that has the most PHENOMENAL food. Period. The owners are so sweet, the atmosphere homey and comfortable, and the food, again, phenomenal. Definitely check it out!

New Years Change of Heart

The year turns and we survive the end of the world. In this post-apocalyptic day, we've made our New Year's resolutions and begun working towards check-marking them off our lists. This year's resolutions seem less resolutions, less "do this" or "stop doing that," and more goals to strive towards, checkpoints to mark off of our calendars. "Accomplish this by this date." "Be able to do this by this date." Some are intellectual pursuits - publish another review, publish an actual poem, get 3-5 A's this semester, etc... Some are physical pursuits - do more yoga, be able to do chattaranga and a head stand. Some are creative pursuits - paint a painting, make a sculpture.

Along with the new year, a new pursuit has come along. Rather than continue to scholarly pursue writing and performance (though I still love both), I've decided to pursue another love: psychology. After years of probing, delving, and exploring, I've come to realize that I want to be a clinical psychologist. I've finally realized what it is I want to be when I "grow up." 

It's a weird discovery to make, the "what I'll do with my life" discovery. I've been experimenting with various hobbies and opportunities - writing, acting, modeling, art, philosophy, film, history - and now, suddenly, it all clicks. For the first time in over two years I feel like I'm solidly working towards a feasible goal, a realistic profession, something that promises work and income, while simultaneously satisfying my interests and intellectual pursuits. 

All of this AND I will become the first female Doctor in my family. Boo yah!!

On top of this, we've been reconfiguring the apartment. After a failed attempt at a Stora Ikea bed (only suitable for one person or 200 lbs and flimsy as hell, we came to find), we are now researching how to make our own loft bed, a seeming necessity for city living. Hopefully, it won't crash and fall apart. I'll keep you posted.

A Thought: More a realization of my own than a thought for all of you to ponder, pursuing this field will make me not only my parent's daughter (as I obviously am), but now also their colleague. Not that I'm pursuing this for either or them or that reason, it is non-the-less really awesome that I'll be on a similar plane to my parents and, quite frankly, even surpass them in ways. There's something about children that begs to surpass their parents, to continue onwards and upwards, exceeding and reaching ever higher. I will be their colleague, but I will be the Dr. in the family. 

A Find: Notelettes make a really awesome student planner. I'm super picky about my planners and the one that I got is absolutely wonderful. Complete with: Conversion tables for metric measurements, distance, european clothes sizes, lists of holidays and dates, national currencies and time differences, semester schedule planner, regular planner with weekly notes section, lined paper section, grid paper section, and blank paper section. How cool is that?!?!?!