Ants in Transit

Initial flirtings lead into outright sunlight, the first sunny day yet this week and already I feel more focused, more motivated. This commute, by now accepted as typical, presents itself as  much less daunting now. It is a means to an end, a very desirable end that constantly approaches. 

Yesterday, my boyfriend spoke with me at length about various forms of education, namely self-education. The conversation was inspired by a book he had gotten for his iPad concerning non-traditional means of self-educating and goal achieving. He was excited and, as though through infection, excited me as well. Our desires, at one time little more than foggy mirrors, condensed into words and explanations. "I want to learn this, and this, and that," we said, our stomachs rumbling like waking bears, ravenous, almost brutal. We spoke of our demands for the world selfishly, imagining the utmost and requiring its actualization. We take in books like bread, slurp others' knowledge like life-water, our skin aching for more, for contact, for abrasions through which even more can seep in. 

And today, there is sun, affirmative warmth on my skin, rays of vitamin D trickling through my pores and I am calmed. No more bumbling umbrellas battling each other on city streets, annoying the unfortunates who complain about the safety of their eyes. No more leaky charcoal overhead but rather a sky that reminds me of the bright blue gummy sharks I ingest by the bag. My eyes, less sleepy, less inclined to blink at the joyous construction workers this morning, blink at my hometown baristas, the friendly train conductors who occasionally recognize me.

Resolution. Such a simple yet desirable word. Five phone calls, some back and forth, minor details, a few text messages, and then closure. We finally move. For sure. On Friday. That's two days until my first apartment. Two days until a new residence, new state, new address, new roommates. No more commute, no more hassle. Things finally shift from a viscous goo into a more solid form, one with definite sides and angles, constructed of signatures and down payments. We no longer inhabit a world of extraneous what-ifs: what if the apartment falls through, what if we can't secure another one, what if my financial aid falls through, what if I can no longer afford this perfect school I've found, what if I can't find a part time job, what if my boyfriend is stuck at the job he hates, what if the world explodes?

But no. This structure, this building is built upon a lease and a check, only to be further constructed upwards towards a skyscraper's height of glory. These two months are simply a mosquito on the skin, a fraction of night through a blind as it closes and then we move onwards towards evenings of wine on the roof, midnight walks through the city, morning breakfasts on the high line, bike rides through Brooklyn, an eventual loft bed we design and build ourselves, and everything else we've romanticized about since the middle of August. It tastes like adulthood and independence, like cracking eggshells and new skin, feels like joints cracking from too much sleep and a warm sweater. Finally I'll be writing this blog about moving to New York from New York itself, becoming an inhabitant rather than a commuter. My blisters have all healed, my feet now tougher, my legs more muscular. 

A Thought: A puzzle, rather. So many people inhabit NYC, and with them, so many independent, local coffee shops. Yet people crave the familiar, creating nests in their comfort zone with their feet in the cement. I see so many Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks cups throughout the day and am astounded by  New Yorkers' lack of spontaneity and adventure. These chains will be fine without your business. Go find a local cafe and try the different kinds of coffee and espresso out there. 

A Find: Eat More Kale. A small time Vermont based group that sells t-shirts, stickers, and canteens even supporting their motto, to "eat more kale." Not only are these items fun, but the company actually makes a rather good suggestion. Kale is perhaps one of the healthiest and most beneficial dark leafy greens out there. It's amazing raw, steamed, blanched and sauteed, plain, with garlic, with Bragg's Liquid Aminos, with Annie's Green Goddess dressing, on sandwiches, etc... you get my drift.